Inspiration really does come in the stupidest of places. I just finished watching the first two parts of Band of Brothers, the HBO miniseries based on the historical book of the same name. It’s a WWII story about airborne troops, their training, initial attack on Europe, and follows them through the war.

I like feelings. And watching these two episodes brought about feelings. I’ve been missing them lately. I like them. I like to feel. It’s something I don’t get to do enough of. The last few days, and few weeks, have been devoid of those feelings. I am going through the motions of life, but I’m not sure I’m doing anything but that. The movies also brought about another dissatisfaction with my life. (It’s more of a general dissatisfaction, then anything specific that’s been happening lately.) Besides passion, I think life should hold more. It should hold meaning.

I think that’s why I’ve become depressed after finishing my computer projects. I’ll work passionately for a few days, or even a few weeks, and then when I finish, I feel terribly empty. It happened when I installed linux on my server, and it’s happening again with my website. I’m not sure why it happens, but it leaves me feeling empty. Watching these movies started me thinking about some of those reasons. There’s more than just passion. I generate passion through facing and overcoming interesting challenges (I won’t even get started on what John Ryberg said today about my decision to stay in Houston and turn down the Oslo job. Fuck him, is all I’ll say).

Passions make life better, but emotions is where life is lived. I had another conversation with Steve from Work about his child. Not that he says anything different from the million of other parents, but he talks of how he lost his selfishness when he had his son. I wonder if I could find emotion and passion with children. Is that really what life is all about? It’s difficult to say.

I used to actually write interesting musings. I wonder what ever happened to that time.