Dear Sara,

It's 4:30 in the morning and I can't sleep. I just finished watching the first half of Shindler's List. I read the book when it first came out, but never got around to seeing the movie. The book was moving in some parts, uninteresting in others, but I mostly viewed it as a literary work with a strong historical framework. The movie is totally different. It's a three hour movie, and I started watching it at two or so, so I decided to stop after the first cassette (about 1:45 into it.) Wow. (As if you haven't seen it, and I have to tell you this.)

It's strange -- the feelings that are being brought out that is -- I see the underlying psychological development of the characters. How and why they do things, how they've grown, or what they've turned out to be. But that seems hardly important in this movie. Emotionally, you just start screaming at the movie. How can the Germans do this? And, how can the Jews just stand there and get shot? Of course I don't think I can understand their position, seeing as I live in the 90's, in the a free country like this one. It's so strange.

I must admit that I am quite the cynic (I know, it's shocking.) I've always accepted the worst in people as being the people. I don't expect much from anyone, and that sort of makes the disappointments I receive from them that much less painful. But, it has also left me with a cynical outlook on the world, and especially on people. It was the worth of people that had always concerned me. I could not accept that people are worthwhile just because they are people. There definitely are differences between people. Some are intelligent, others dumb; some physically attractive, others repulsive; some socially skilled, others lacking in all social graces. I had always thought that these measures were the actual measure of people. Different classes, different categories, different worth.

This mostly came into being after a long debate with a Libertarian friend of mine at Binghamton. Libertarians believe that money is the only thing of value. Everything is subordinate. Laws should only be made that protect monetary trade, government should be limited to this, etc. We were debating for awhile, and I came across a weird concept. Following his notions to the extreme, I came across the logical conclusion that crimes should be paid for; paid for literately that is. If a man murders someone, that man should pay the family for the murder. With money, or work, or something equivalent. Of course this is an extreme Libertarian view. But it struck me as quite odd. And after arguing with him for a couple of hours (I believe, in the rain outside the mail house), I finally came up with this final argument. If I could prove that all human life is innately, or inherently valuable, then the very notion and center belief of Libertarians must be wrong. He amazingly agreed. It was so simple, just prove that life was valuable. But, I found no answer to this simple question. I found no way to prove him wrong by proving an idea that I had always accepted as true. I think it was then that I started doubting that idea.

Along comes Schindler. Not the person, although he was exceptional in some ways. But the emotions that his story brings forth. In those emotions seem to lie the answer to the question of inherent human worth. It goes beyond reason, beyond the human mind to what makes us human. (This all coming from an almost-ex-materialist....very weird) Let me see if I can put this idea down on paper: The inherent worth of human beings arises from the fact that the very gauge is a human being. To measure worth, we must compare it to something that we know has worth. This scale, of course is ourselves. We know we are worth something, we are very valuable to ourselves. But why is it that we are valuable? Because we are who we are socially, or intellectually? Probably not, since I'm sure a poor factory worker considers himself valuable; it's more because we know we exist, we think, we feel, we are there. And in this place, all human beings must have worth, inherently and innately.

Wonder if that made any sense to you? Sigh. I tried though! Such an interesting day, the night of Yom Kippur. Went to Shul, did my Jewish obligation. Hated every minute of it. Did my fasting obligation; did my Yizkor obligation; even did my family obligations. So uninteresting, repetitive, senseless. But, after our fast-breaking meal, I had a very interesting conversation with my pretty learned neighbor. She (yes, I know, a learned female? Impossible!) was talking about the Bible, and happened to mention the inconsistency in the very beginning of Genesis. So I brought down my Tanakh (big Jewish word, eh?) and started following her reasoning. It's very interesting, so I thought I'd bore you with it. Just so as to get another person's opinion, and put it down on paper.

She believes that the humans that G-d (I will be respectful of the Jewish notation for writing His name in English) created on the 6th day, were not the same as Adam and Eve. They were in some ways superior, but definitely different. They were created in His (that of G-d and the angels) image, where Adam was formed from the clay of the Earth. On the 6th day, G-d created male and female, equal in all aspects; Eve was created as a helper for Adam, from Adam, not exactly in equal standings.

This of course is pretty meaningless, until you tie it in with something later on in Genesis. In 6.1 (me quoting the bible, help me!) it is written "When men began to increase on earth and daughters were born to them, the sons of God saw how beautiful the daughters of men were and took wives from among those that pleased them." Her theory followed that these sons of G-d were actually those people who G-d first created, but was displeased with. His first "experiment" if you will. Very weird. Thought I'd just put that down. Kind of hard to write up a full argument without wasting a couple of pages on background and quotes, but I thought I'd give you the gist. Some of this is actually pretty interesting. But, you just have to find the right person to talk to, and there aren't many "right" people around.

As for my life (who cares you ask? Not really sure, I answer), still waiting to hear from Washington DC They are stringing me along. I call them about once a week, and they seem to be making excuses. Very weird. I'm still sending out my resume (or will be actually...eventually.) I'm hopefully going to call up for some law applications tomorrow. Although, I'm still really confused about what I'm going to do. I don't want to be a lawyer, but the money looks awfully good. And if I don't go into law, what else will I go into? Such fucking hard questions, with no answers anywhere in sight. Sigh. Otherwise life is quite uneventful. Staying up late (it's now 5:09am), probably because I get too much sleep during the day. What is becoming of me? Bored out of my mind mostly, but sometimes I come up with original thoughts (I figured out how many licks it takes to get the center of a tootsie roll pop...okay, I lied, I never made it.)

Enough about me, yourself? Your life? Israel in general? In specific? The dog next store? Your family. How ya' doing, etc., etc. Speak to you soon! Write back eventually!

Love,

P.S. Such a meaningful letter. How do I do it? And at such a crazy hour. I must be incredible!

P.S.S. It is now October 17, 1995, and I'm finally getting around to printing this out, and mailing it your way. I planned on sending it out earlier, but never got around to it. Such a procrastinator. Sigh. Hope all is well, and hoping to hear from you.