What is it I want to write about? Is there anything I truly want to write about? I figure if I type it would be easier to figure out what I wanted to do. What do you think is currently wrong with you? What is wrong with me? That's a bad place to start. I guess what's wrong with my current lifestyle is probably a better place to start than what is wrong with me. We can write books on that. Okay. Here's what my current life looks like:

First, I work. There is nothing wrong with that. I enjoy the job. It's challenging, I see lots of room for growth and improvement--we can get into that another time--and it pays my bills. That is of course what work is supposed to do. Now, what is wrong with my life? I guess I'm a social incompetent. Although, 'incompetent' is probably not the right word. I am thinking more along the lines of loser. There's a nice 80's word for you: Loser. Explain why you're a loser. Again, you're asking me to espouse on too broad of a topic. I thought we were talking lifestyle only. Okay, now tell me about the rest of your lifestyle. You got through your job. What else is there?

I think that's one of the biggest problems. There is nothing more out there besides my job. I watch a lot of television. Probably at least 10 hours a week. Is that all? That's a good question. I think I'm a little scared to actually figure out the exact amount of time that I spend watching television. What else is there? I play video games. I'm currently stuck on Dark Age of Camelot, a MMORPG. I won't even go into describing it, but I've spent too many hours to count. More hours than I watch television, even. What else is there in your life'

Then there are my relationships. I have a few friends that I speak with. I have a collection of male friends: Shannon, Steven, Will, Scott, Chris, etc., and a pair of female friends: Jean and Nicole. There won't be a relationship there, but I like talking with them. It makes me feel like I'm capable of having a relationship (even if I'm really not--or so I keep telling myself in my depressed state).

Is that your entire life? As far as I can think, yes. I need to change something. Oh, and I go to a Jewish bible studies class for singles once a week. I had hoped to meet someone or at least have interesting conversations there, but I've mostly failed on both parts. The conversations are not all that interesting, and I have to occasionally force an argument just to amuse me (or feed my ego, which is the more likely story). As for meeting women, I think I almost met a nice Argentinean woman there. She's not from Argentina, but lives there currently. She was quite friendly, until I got her lost on the way home. It figures.

So where does that leave us? That's my life above. More or less compete. Of course, there's also my family back in the New York area. I love them very much, but while they're of course part of my life, it's a different part than I'm talking about here.

I was just distracted. I get that way a lot. I guess it's my short attention span, or maybe it's my 'boredom' syndrome. They say smart people are bored a lot. I don't think that's true. I think boredom is a sign of a short attention span. If you can concentrate on one thing and do it well, you wouldn't be that bored.

Is writing something you want to concentrate on? Why do you want to write? I guess ego is definitely part of it. I like feeding my ego. Is that all? No. I also like feeling, and writing, I think, might help me feel. What else? Also, writing might be like programming. Something I can lose myself in. When writing a story, I want to get involved. I want to escape, to be there, but at the same time, create something new. I get that now with video games. I get to escape the real world, live in a different, computerized world and figure out what makes it tick. That's what's interesting about those MMORPG I didn't talk about before. It's figuring out what makes those worlds work. I enjoy figuring out the formulas behind the fighting. How the group dynamics work. Not to mention, going back to the first point, the ego part. When I build my character up through the levels, I can look down on the lower level characters. That's not the real reason. I don't exactly look down at them, but I do feel a sense of accomplishment. It's of course fake, but, then again, what isn't a fake sense of accomplishment in this weird-weird world?

I left off the gym and basketball on things that I do above. That and reading and now hopefully writing as well. I guess those are things I have to start getting back into, all of them.

What are you proposing? I propose to write. Write like I like to write and not how I expect to do well as a writer. Don't worry about the fame and fortune. It's not going to come to you through writing. You have a career, and you're good at it. Let's concentrate on writing for you; to make you a better person. That's what it's all about. That's why we're here, to learn to be a better person. Now is your chance to learn. You can start here. It is so.