And here I sit somewhere that isn’t work. And I’m happier for it. I was (am) terribly depressed today. I don’t know why. Not much different happened today, but just the thought of working or doing anything besides moping, is painful to contemplate. I can’t explain it, so I won’t even try. I just don’t want to do anything, especially anything that relates to work or school. What the fuck is wrong with me?

There’s a bible study going on next to me. Three black men, of varying age, with bibles out. I think it’s a good thing. It gives people something to talk about, some way to get into a discussion of ethics. Religion, in that way, is a positive force. It helps people relate to one another and discuss important aspects of their life.

My server is back up and running. I miss the problems and work it caused, but, like most projects, I’m happy it’s over. It’s probably because of the project, at least partly, that I am depressed. I don’t like things ending—well, I like the work ending. I like having things that occupy my mind, that give challenge me. Computer administration, for all its tedium and annoyances, at least promises a “reward” at the end. I’m not terribly interested in the reward, but the process and the striving toward the reward make it worthwhile.

Flaming red sippy cups pushing against the table and earth, pouring.

Maybe the huge dosage of caffeine yesterday before the gym has something to do with this terrible funk. I don’t really want to talk about it. I just wanted to mention it as an explanation for my…absence.