Of course, I had another thought today. What if I give up on this whole corporate job and instead take a law firm job prosecuting patents from 9 to 5. I’d take a cut in prestige, but I would make more money and I could live where I wanted. The question is: which is more important for you and more importantly, why. I’d like to move to CA, but I’d also like to return to NYC. I’m not even sure how to weigh the pros and cons here. It’s only my future I’m thinking about. I’m also pushing thirty. I’m not sure how that plays into the equation. I don’t know which is more important to me at this stage in my life. It’s confusing to say the least. And there’s also this pretend writing that you’ve been trying to accomplish. How do you think that’s going to go? Are you even spending enough time with it. As Nicole would say, these are all good questions.

The way I see it, you’re going to have to come up with some answers soon. You’re going to have to weigh everything and make up your mind and go with it. I’m leaning toward Oslo, as I stated before. The power is what is driving me on. My job would be more interesting with that power. It would keep me busy and perhaps happy. New experiences, such as those found by living in a foreign country, can only help me grow as a person. My real concerns: darkness and depression—this is a serious concern for me. Tied closely in with that is the friends and families (and I’m not talking about the long distance plans). As I’ve showed adequately by my brief stay in Houston, I’ve not made much in the way of friends here. I don’t know if that’s going to change when (and if!) I move to Oslo, but if it does, it’s going to be very lonely. Before Doolies, Houston was approaching unbearable. What would Norway be? Of course, I also don’t want to be scared of trying new things. I want to grow as a person and experience different things. I don’t want to look back and as a lot of what-ifs. Those are questions I would not be able to handle.

Damn, airplanes are scaring me again. I hate when I go through these types of periods. I think the rough turbulence on my way here put that idea into my head. Now it sits there, fermenting, and waiting for a strange movement or sound to raise the bile in my throat. Joy.

Money is also playing a role. I stress about it, but I like having money. Erik’s house is nice. That’s the type of purchase I think I would enjoy at some point in my life. I was thinking my first house would be an apartment in NYC. I’m not so sure anymore. I wish I had someone to talk about with these things. I guess Shannon would be the best person to talk to. He has no ulterior motives, unlike my mother or sisters.