Almost Writing Again

Thursday, June 30, 2005

Fuck. This isn’t working. This hasn’t been working for a while. What did I expect? Writing sucks. It’s painful and unrewarding and I spend so much of my day staring at blank screens that my eyeballs are in pain.

These last three days have been bad. I’ve been bad, actually. Too many video games. Yesterday, I canceled Doolies and my accounts and tried to uninstall World of Warcraft. I’m not sure if the uninstall took, but I needed something to get me back here, writing.

The weather turned nice last night, and today I went on a boat trip with work in the afternoon. After a bicycle ride last night, I woke up this morning with a terrible hang over. I drank plenty of water yesterday, and I think the headache was caused by too much exercise after too much inactivity. I desperately swallowed two Advils before heading to the boat (I almost choked on the pills as I tried to swallow both of them without water at the same time and gagged). The Advils kicked in along with two Pepsi drinks.

I’m home, again staring at my screen, and typing these words in the hopes that putting words on paper will let me say something other than these words. Last night, Doolies and I went through some of my story ideas to try and tie things together. I had been complaining about how I can’t write stories because I don’t have a plot. She said, fine, if you don’t have a plot, then we’ll work one out together. How hard is it to come up with a plot? Seemingly not that hard, but what is hard, is taken the developed plot and writing it as a story. I hate this part. I hate all the parts, but this is the worst. Okay, enough of this bullshit. More story words and less consternation words.

I write a paragraph, and I start surfing the internet. My dedication has gone from low to almost nonexistent. I just thought I’d give a bit of an update about how much this sucks before alt-tabbing back to my current reading.

Good news! After many close calls, I didn’t play video games tonight. Had we not uninstalled the game last night, it would have been a different story. The withdrawal symptoms were rather strong, and while I did work a bit on the story Doolies and I discussed yesterday, it’s not in a state to post yet (if it never makes it there, I’ll remember to post it as it stands today).

It’s late, and after dot-painting the below, err, doodle, I’m tired. I’m hoping for a productive P.H.D. tomorrow, maybe get back into the 2k Goal-thing I’ve let fall by the wayside. Until then, though.