Saturday, January 1, 2005

Silence shadowed me throughout the day. It has been quiet, a day spent in contemplation of nothingness and all of its aspirations. Depression fell as a heavy cloak over my shoulders and I haven’t shaken it all day. For a holiday weekend, this is not going as planned—not that I planned much, which is probably part of the problem. After a “world-wind” vacation, during which every day we spent going some place or doing something, my adjustment to doing little has not been good. When I combine that adjustment with Doolies Withdrawal, I’m bound to find myself in such a state. I keep saying that I hope it passes but it’s staying with me, and my dodging and moving left isn’t helping much.

From as far back as he remembered, which he admitted readily was a mere few years, Adabu was what people called “slow.” His thoughts came in a bunch with pauses as he gathered and tied together the bunch in his mind. It wasn’t until Adabu turned eight that he began to understand what people said about him. He had never noticed a difference before then, but, he thought wryly at the time, that’s to be expected if his slowness was as true as everyone spoke.

Nothing much goes through my life of note. I took a trip to downtown Seattle today to get out of the house. After waiting for the bus until five minutes before it was to show up, I had second thoughts. The last bus returned to my bus stop at 5:30 pm, and I didn’t want to be stuck downtown. The hour between each bus on the weekend wasn’t encouraging. I decided to drive and stayed barely an hour before driving home. I’m restless lately, with nothing new and nothing doing. My laundry is piling up and my dishes need washing. I can’t seem to find the push needed to get back into my routine.

I spent most of today working on Obviously, I spent little time writing this entry. Instead, I finished redoing the comments, making them editable and more robust, and I’m trying to develop a new style and masthead. I’m not going to post any of the changes until I’m ready for the drastic change. I have a few other improvements I have in mind that I want to finish before presenting the site. I’ve decided not to rewrite all the code. While I am planning major changes, all of the features that I would have accomplished with a rewrite I can accomplish readily enough with more minor changes. The only thing important is the end user’s experience. The underlying code, as long as it runs well and is easy to use, doesn’t make much of a difference. My only outstanding concern is the code’s aesthetics, something about which I spend too much time thinking. While working on the site over the next week or so, I’m hoping my muse finds her way to me. I know, I know, I don’t believe in muses: it’s all perspiration not inspiration. As I said before, I’m more concerned about my mood than my muse.

I’m babbling, trying to get word count and to desperate to care much. Laurence, oh Laurence, why do you drop the compass in the sand?